Compassion is one of the great unheralded traits of business leadership.
Compassion requires you to subjugate your own need for attention and self
esteem to the needs of others around you. You care and you are sincere
in your caring. True compassion in the business world is very rare.
Many people confuse sympathy with compassion. They believe they
are being compassionate when they are really being sympathetic. Sympathy
is feeling other’s suffering with a desire to be helpful. Compassion is
unconditional acceptance with the ability to see the essence in all things.
Compassion goes right to our hearts and says, “I see you. I know you.
You are valued and needed.”
Considered the highest expression of humanness, compassion is not a
single virtue but a distillation of all the virtues. Compassion is a blend
of fairness, kindness, gentleness, honesty, respect, courage and love.
If, in our daily response to life, we express appropriately any or all
of these virtues, we are compassionate beings. Compassion is not sympathy
nor is it emotional, and the compassionate person is not easily affected
by the emotions of others. Compassion, like empathy acknowledges the emotions
of others without entering into or being swayed by these emotions. His Holiness
the Dalai Lama is a being of compassion. Compassion is a state of consciousness.
How is compassion relevant in the business environment? Every
business involves relationships between people. We can choose the
quality of each business relationship, from competitive and hostile, to
neutral, to compassionate. Most of the time, we are not conscious about
choosing the quality of our business relationships. Thus, we treat
others from a posture of reactivity rather than presence. No one would
dispute that cultivating positive relationships is good for business.
Yet we spend almost no time and effort acquiring the habits and skills necessary
to create harmonious relationships. I believe that compassion is a powerful
business tool and leadership skill. Those that cultivate compassion
will have a significant advantage over those that do not.
What about being too soft? When business people talk about being
too soft or touchy feely, what they’re really worried about is either a
fear of exploitation or a fear of confronting themselves. Our competitive,
individualistic culture conditions us to believe that we’re self-reliant
and able to stand alone without the help, support, or nurturing of others.
Furthermore, to the extent that we need or seek help from others, we believe
we show weakness. That weakness can be exploited against us and to
other people’s advantage.
Compassion is not about weakness. The ability to show true compassion
is neither soft nor touchy feely. It requires great inner strength,
courage, and power. It is one of greatest gifts one human can bestow
on another.
How does one develop the capacity for compassion? Here is a seven
step process that I find useful for cultivating compassion in my peacemaking
practice.
Lesson: What is the lesson I wanted to learn regarding this person
and the conflict we are experiencing?
Aspect: What is the aspect of myself this person is reflecting
back to me?
Gift: What is the gift this person is giving me by playing
his or her role?
Acceptance: Can I accept the role that this person has played,
along with their actions, to help me learn this lesson?
Allowing: Can I allow myself to let go of my anger towards this
person who played the role to help me learn the lesson?
Release: Can I release this person from blame?
Kindness: Now that I have released this person, can I be kind to him/her,
and if so, how can I do it and when will I do it?
The benefits of compassion include inner peace and joy, bountiful and
prosperous relationships with others, and a sense of competency and control
over one’s life. In a highly pressured business world, these are
surely characteristics every successful person would strive for.
However, as with many habits that are useful, developing compassion takes
consciousness, effort, and practice. We each have an innate capacity
for compassion, but must develop it like any other skill. If you decide
to hone your capacity for compassion, exercise some compassion on yourself.
You will make mistakes as you grow. Accept and cherish them because
it is through these mistakes that you evolve into a compassionate leader.
Douglas E. Noll, Esq. is a lawyer specializing in peacemaking and mediation
of difficult and intractable conflicts throughout California.
His firm, Noll Associates is based in Central California. He may
be reached through his website
and email at
doug@nollassociates.com