I ran into a former student the other day.She
said, “You heard that Tom
abandoned me in the practice, didn’t you?”
“No,” I replied.“I
hadn’t heard a word.What happened?”
“He just decided to leave.I am so mad at him I could kill him.I’ll never forgive him!”
Clearly, my student was not in a forgiving mood, which is a
common condition when people are in conflict.The conversation got me thinking about forgiveness in the
context of
neuropsychology.
<>The perception of injury to our self, which is
injustice,
has several parts: (1) a sense of self; (2) an ability to evaluate the
behavior
of others as being injurious or beneficial; and (3) memory of the event
to link
that injury to the offending person. Our sense of self
originates in the abstractive
cognitive
operator located in the inferior parietal lobule of the brain. The
inferior
parietal lobule is richly connected to the limbic system.The limbic system is the part of the brain
primarily involved in creating, expressing, and controlling emotion.
<>We tend to perceive ourselves in a grander manner
than we
perceive others because, out of self-protection, we must perceive,
analyze, and
evaluate all experiences regarding self. Thus, we are highly sensitive
to
others’ perceptions and our own perceptions about our self.From an evolutionary perspective, without
this sensitivity, we would be less interested in protecting our self
and thus
not as likely to survive in difficult, challenging environments.
<>
The second part of injustice is the notion of
conspecific
congruence. Basically, we expect to be treated fairly and equally by
those who
we perceive as our equals (our conspecifics). Along with hierarchical
ordering,
conspecific congruence is one of the more powerful psychosocial forces
creating
the structure, relationships, and roles within social groups.Hierarchical ordering is vertical, while
conspecific congruence is horizontal. Both always seem to be present to
some
degree in all stable human social groups. Conspecific
congruence probably developed out of
the
structures in the brain that underlie the ability to form classes of
groups
with perceived similarities.<>Conspecific
congruence is asserted when all
members behave
to maintain social balance within a group.In other words, we are always monitoring the group environment
to be
sure we are being treated and are treating others fairly and
respectfully.We also utilize conspecific
congruence to
evaluate the behaviors of others.A
positive change in conspecific congruence occurs with kindness or a
favor, with
the consequent obligation to return it to balance the incongruence.A negative change in congruence is perceived
as an attack on self.A desire for
revenge is generated to restore the congruence.
<>
Revenge is related to self-preservation.It
requires a sense of self and the internal
drive to equalize incongruence between others.Thus, when a person is hurt, he or she experiences a strong
impulse to
return the hurt and bring the incongruence into balance.
Revenge behavior also requires long-term memory.One has to be able to hold an offense in
memory to carry out a future action to balance the incongruence.
<>The revenge-complex is based on a number of brain
structures
related to each other in complex neural networks.For
example, the evolution of long-term
memory arose from the development of the hippocampal-amygdalar memory
system. Revenge
behavior is poorly controlled by the brain because it originates in
ancient
subcortical structures not controlled by rational thinking.Thus, revenge can easily lapse into an
excessive mutual retaliation owing to an excessive evaluation of self,
with the
consequent miscalculation of what is needed to restore equilibrium.
<>
Serious and intractable conflicts arise when, out
of an
exalted sense of self injury, the victim seeks excessive revenge.The offender, whose exalted sense of self
feels attacked, retaliates with even more zeal.Such a neuropsychological system, if unchecked, could lead to
social
chaos. Forgiveness therefore evolved as a means of checking
uncontrolled
escalation by eliminating bellicosity in one’s opponent.In addition, forgiveness has the unique
effect of generating warm feelings for the victim from observers not
involved
in the conflict.This can have
remarkably profound social consequences.To the extent that observers sincerely support the victim’s
forgiveness,
attachment mechanisms in the victim’s brain are activated to reduce the
desire
for revenge.
<>
In peacemaking, finding appropriate justice can be
challenging.However, more often than
not, when given the opportunity, people demonstrate an amazing capacity
for
compassion and forgiveness.In these
moments, the beauty of the human spirit is revealed to all.
Douglas E. Noll, Esq. is a lawyer specializing in peacemaking and
mediation of difficult and intractable conflicts throughout California.
His firm, Noll Associates is based in Central California. He may
be reached through his website and email at doug@nollassociates.com